临高启明英文版统一意见帖

北朝旧贴 | 澳宋同文馆麦冷 | 8/15/2020 | 共 4276 字 | 编辑本页

澳宋同文馆麦冷 于 2017-12-17 16:22:23 发表了:

这个贴专门发布临高启明的英文版译制,欢迎各路大佬拍砖,讨论,然后我会把意见记录下来,以便日后修改


澳宋同文馆麦冷 于 2017-12-17 16:26:17 发表了:

Dawn-star of Lingao

穿越到乱世不是被雷劈,是他们自己的选择。

Time-traveling back to the troubled-time is not an accident, it's the choice subjects to their own desire.

有人想称王制霸,有人想解民于倒悬,有人想以己之力,阻止最后一次野蛮对文明的征服,从而改写中华民族的历史。

Some of them tend to reign and conquer, some tend to save the people from the trouble, some tend be the obstacle-prevent the last lashing which posed by the uncivilized to the civilized,thus change the destiny of Chinese nation.

当然也有人想得只是三妻四妾,过现世过不上的极度腐败的生活。

Some just tend to have several concubines and wives,to live a luxurious life  can not possess nowadays.

这群三心二意,各怀抱负的普通人,没有虎躯、没有王八之气更没有弱智光环道具。乱哄哄的挤在一艘旧船上,有的只是现代机器、科技还有各式各样的理论。穿越者们怀着现世无法达成的野心、梦想和理想,向着明末的乱世进发。

These masses are double-minded, each with their  own axe to grind,possess no momentum to be the ruler and halo to be the protagonist. They crammed into a old freighter, the only things they have are modern machine, technology and methodology.The time-travelers carry the ambitions,aspirations and inspirations which can not come true at present, sailing to the late Ming dynasty(1627),the troubled-time.

目标:海南。

Destinationingao


澳宋同文馆麦冷 于 2017-12-17 16:37:10 发表了:

第一节虫洞降临

Chapter 1:arrival of the worm hole.

这个故事里的主人公,或者叫主人公之一,叫萧子山。

One of the protagonists of this story ,named Xiao Zishan.

萧子山生在 70 年代的末期,是个普通人:家庭普通,相貌普通,天资很普通,而且不是个肯努力上进的人,所以读书很一般,受惠于大学的扩招,他也成了一名大学生。

Xiao born in late 70s.He is an ordinary manrdinary family,ordinary appearance and ordinary gift,he is not a aggressive and ambitious man,therefore he did not doing well in his education.Fortunately,he gained opportunity from the enrollment expansion of university,appeared to be a college student.

萧子山毕业以后,在珠三角的几家企业都呆过,上过黑心老板的当,做过不切实际的梦,最后好歹在一家外企的找了份待遇还不错的工作,勤勤恳恳的干活拿工资―这一干,就是差不多六七年,转眼三十了,住的依然是别人的屋子。平时没什么娱乐,就爱好历史,喜欢看点冷门的书。算是交过个女朋友,破了保留 N 久的处男之身。不过故事发生的时候,前女友的面容都快记不清了――他照旧属于要庆祝 11.11 的那伙人。

After graduated from university ,he has worked in some Pearl-River-Delta-based enterprises,has been shanghaied by several employers who tend to exploit their subordinates a lot,has dreamed unrealistic dreams.Thanks god,ultimately he found a well-paid job in one foreign company ,worked diligent and consciously to earn his salary-this sort of condition lasted about six or seven years ,now he still live in others’ house ,turned into 30-years-old in the blink of an eye.Entertainment never be his flavour,but history,and he is fond of the byway books.He had has a relationship,yes,was a virgin no longer.Yet,before the story was unfolded,the appearance of his ex-girlfriend has nearly escaped from his mind-he remained the mess who had to celebrated the Double-eleven(bachelors’ day).

我们故事的开头的这天晚上,天气很不好,黑漆漆的天空不断的在闪电――这样的日子持续了快半个月,有时候会在闪电之后下暴雨,有时候则会滚滚雷声,大地震的谣言传了很久时间久了也慢慢习以为常了。萧子山打着哈欠从公交车上下来,眼皮浮肿,两腿酸软,头发蓬乱,一股穷忙族的邋遢派头。他已经一夜一天没回过家了。身为一个新晋的地区经理,为了迎接上级的检查,不得不在办公室里做了很久的报表,特别是那一笔又一笔的报销费用的去向,着实让他伤脑筋。

Our story started at one night,the weather of that night is not good ,lighting danced in the pitch-dark sky-this kind of condition lasted approximately half month,sometimes it rains cats and dogs after lighting comes,sometimes it lends the rolling thunder.It has been a long time that the rumor came said there would be the earthquake,and people get used to this rumor for its long-existed state.Xiao Zisan got off from a bus with the ywan,his eyelids were swollen,lassitude took hold of his legs,and he carried the disordered hairs,posed a working-poor look.He had not been home since the day before yesterday.As a up-start regional manager,he had to be well-prepared for the check of superiors,and was force to do statements-especially where a large number of expense went,for a long time.This kind of stuffs indeed were the trial of him.

要说萧某人是个企业里的蛀虫,那是天大的冤枉,萧子山正式当上这个职位,还不到三个月。进入这公司的六七年间,一直在地区销售代表这个基本职务上打转,上面的各级领导象韭菜一样割了一茬又一茬,他倒象韭菜根一样的存在着。

It is unfair to say that Xiao is the taker without effort of the company.He just officially took his position in less than three months.Before that ,he has hold the inferior post as regional representative for six or seven years.The people in high-level has changed so quick,but he remained stable.

三个月前,领导们又一次换班了,照例留下了一堆无法说明的报表和发票。只不过这次,他被指派当了地区经理。

Three months ago,the recommendation of leadership occurred again,left mass of in-comprehensible reports and invoices as usual.The difference this time from others is,he was named as the regional manger.

如果早上二年有这个职务……他肯定要对公司感激涕零,但是此时――萧子山只想对上面的领导们,无论是从前的还是现在的,说一声:草泥马。

He definitely would be profound grateful for the company if he reached this position two years ago,but now,Xiao Zisan just want to throw f-word for the superiors -no matter the former one or the present one.

全球经济危机下的公司从去年开始就显得半身不遂,地区办公室里熟悉的同事,也一个接着一个地消失了。剩下的业务,他一个人干还显得悠闲无比。此时这个任命,升职后丝毫也不提调整那多年未动的工资,不给任何的开展业务指示。凭他七八年来的职业经验也不难明白――这是准备撤销地区办公室的前兆。他只不过是一留守人员,等到一切事务处理完毕,就得卷铺盖。

Under the global recession started last year,the company appeared to be paralytic,the familiar face in the the regional office disappeared one by one.Even so,he can tackle the work which were left by others,leisurely.This appointment came even without promotion of the salary which remain immobile for many years,and without the any indication of the business operation.Drawing conclusion form his nearly seven-years-long career experience,he recognized it is the omen of dis-mission of the regional office.He was the person who coped with the aftermath,when the things is over,he had no choice but go.

但是文件还是得做……为了那点多年不动的工资还能多领几个月。

But the work need to be done,for the sake of his salary.

萧子山第二十次的叹气。他提了个大旅行包,从包本身到包里的东西都是办公室里历年留存下来的促销赠品:从厨房围裙、汗衫、牙刷到圆珠笔无所不有。都是些粗劣的小商品。除了少数东西,他基本上都用不到。却还是很贪心的拿了回来――人穷志短――这话放在他身上真是再合适也不过了。

Xiao Zisan sighed.He carried the big gripe-sack,the stuffs within this gripe-sack including  this gripe-sack itself are the promotional items left in the office:kitchenware,undershirts,toothbrush,ball-pens and other things.They all are the small items with poor quality.Few of them are useful for him.But the greedy mind commanded him to take these things home.As a old say goes ”Poverty acquaint men with strange bed-fellows.”,this can not fit him more.

出租房里还算干净整齐,冲个澡之后,精神反而亢奋起来了,随手打开电脑,上了网络。

The rental house is nearly clean and tidy.He took a shower here,shower stimulated him,then he turn his computer on,started surfing the Internet.

奥逊·威尔斯说,彩票是穷人的止痛药,那么网络就是萧子山这一类人的鸦片。无论是网游还是 BBS,再或者他每天都要看的网络小说。

“The lottery is the opium of poor.”Orson Welles once said.The opium of the mess like Xiao Zisan may be the Internet.No matter the online video-game,BBS or the web-novel he reads everyday.

萧子山没工作前也算是半个文艺青年,杂七杂八的书囫囵吞枣地看了不少,也喜欢舞文弄墨,不过天赋有限,没吃上文字饭。上过几年班之后,文艺小说,不管如何的深刻或者有意义,被他彻底的驱逐出去了――社会的一切现实,他看得太多了,不需要再靠小说来给他增加什么感想。他最爱看的,就是各式各样的穿越到过去再造历史的 YY 小说……这大概和他作为一个历史爱好者,总有一种期望篡改历史的想法有关。总之每天都得看上点,正如他自嘲的说过,这是“精神自慰”。

Xiao Zisan can be classed as the half literary youth,he had read several assorted books hastily with thinking,and also was the men fond of the letter.For the limited gift,he can not be the men of the letter.He relinquished the every literary novel weather the profound one or the meaningful one after he began to work.The very reality of the society has seized his mind,no need for the novel to lend him some emotions.The best one he would love to read,are the unrealistic and fancy books about history,talk about the time-traveling or history-changing some sort of things.This flavour may be resulted on his hobby and the idea to change the history.He read a little every day,as his self-mockery goes,it is mental masturbation.


默问苍天 于 2017-12-17 17:08:49 发表了:

顶,这可是大工程


澳宋同文馆麦冷 于 2017-12-17 17:12:04 发表了:

考虑到版权原因,原文我就不发了,只发译文.


真红骑士 于 2017-12-17 18:59:12 发表了:

我推荐下 enlightenment of Lingao 这个译名


澳宋同文馆麦冷 于 2017-12-17 19:07:23 发表了:

真红骑士 发表于 2017-12-17 18:59

我推荐下 enlightenment of Lingao 这个译名

这个我也考虑过了.

按照我的理解,启明有两意.

第一是启明星.

第二是启蒙.

直接用 enlightenment 吃掉了第一层的意思.


cqduoluo 于 2017-12-17 20:31:48 发表了:

现在汉语拼音为源的英语词汇越来越多了,就叫 Lin gao Qi ming 也行,然后加个副标题解释或者干脆前言里解释,这本书注定小众,没必要去迁就太多老外的理解能力。


corsola 于 2017-12-17 20:35:39 发表了:

之前讨论的 morning star over lingao 如何

第一层就是启明星

第二层启蒙通过模仿 red star over china 表达


澳宋同文馆麦冷 于 2017-12-17 21:26:33 发表了:

He routinely browsed the BBS like the addicts expect his daily mental masturbation.Literally he was not the mogul in the BBS,the reason he browsed it is the stuffs provided by BBS are mixed,abundant,they are the assorted information,theories and knowledge.And also included the argument,disputes,colorful human nature,even the show which stared by some hypocritical thought-hybrid who was made by ideas of Marx and Lenin and hedonism.He presumed that is more interesting than cruel society.

He got the hottest feed of today as usual.

“Swearing to God.I found a worm hole to the Ming dynasty.”

When this title came into Xiao Zishan’s eyes,he can not help laughing.Did all person who read the time-traveling book are idiot?Or they just did not be satisfied with the reality,were thirty for this fancy?

Xiao take a attentive read,found it was created by Mr.Wen,Mr.Wen is one of the “man vs wild” Xiao Zishan admired so much in this BBS.Mr.Wen mastered in some problem related with time-traveling and survival in the Wilderness,moreover,he possesses wide learning and a retentive memory.The only pity is Mr.Wen never wrote the time-traveling novel,otherwise Xiao would definitely read his work-of course the private one.

“Maybe the another fancy of Mr.Wen.”He idly clicked the post.And this click forever changed his destiny.

In a word,”The change is coming to his fate”.

One week later.

“That is the worm hole?”Xiao Zishan observed the illuminate body with careful mind.Technically,it is not the regular circle.It possess a few blue light,perfect-matched his imagination of the worm hole.The difference between that two is this circle’s halo is not brilliant as he thought,and the size is smaller-just as big as the normal mirror.

“Very small.”Wang Luobin said,same as the Xiao,he was the first batch of persons who decided took a look after the communicated with the Mr.Wen.

“We can expand the the edge of the worm hole via pressing it.”Mr.Wen place himself beyond the lid of toilet,and the bathroom appeared a little crowded when there are three men here,”We can make this hole bigger or smaller by lending the pressure on the symmetrical diameter direction.And the change is synchronous in both space-time.”Wen Desi explained,”When the size of worm hole reached 210mm,it would close automatically,can not work any more.”

“It really can travel the time and travel back?”In Xiao’s mind,the time-traveling is one-way,basically occurred by accident,the gentler one is like getting lost,generally time-traveling can not travel back.

“I could not post the information,and you all could not be there if it can not travel back.”he said,”I supposed that the place we arrived is same as the place we set out.”

“You should buy the lottery,Mr.Wen.”Xiao Zishan muttered,”Found a worm hole in a bathroom,the possibility is nearly zero.”

“It is better than jackpot.”Mr.Wen laughed,”Is there any lottery rewarded you a new world?”

“Mr.Wen,didn’t you always said,the single-person two-way time-traveling is the best?”Wang Luobin recalled the discussion posted on the BBS.

“Of Course.”Wen Desi pointed to the worm hole,”But the thing behind this,is the new world!”He waved his arms excitedly,”We can own the earth,even the universe via this hole!”

“By yourself?”Xiao said it with the doubt.

“Thus,I post that feed.”Wen argued,”Plus,that is not a cheering space-time.”

“How about the date?”

“Perhaps the era of emperor Tianqi’s ruling,I found the Tianqi Tongbao(name of Chinese ancient currency).”

Xiao Zishan and Wang Luobin both gasped with surprise-the new world Mr.Wen found,is the era under tranny of the eunuchs.


澳宋同文馆麦冷 于 2017-12-17 21:27:46 发表了:

corsola 发表于 2017-12-17 20:35

之前讨论的 morning star over lingao 如何

第一层就是启明星

第二层启蒙通过模仿 red star over china 表达

这个可以有,考虑考虑


人間夜行 于 2017-12-18 09:02:03 发表了:

提个小建议。

建议楼主注意一下英文标点的使用,特别是和空格的关系。目前这样放进 word 都是一片红。


澳宋同文馆麦冷 于 2017-12-18 09:56:51 发表了:

人間夜行 发表于 2017-12-18 09:02

提个小建议。

建议楼主注意一下英文标点的使用,特别是和空格的关系。目前这样放进 word 都是一片红。 ...

可能论坛再排版的关系,我这边放进去的时候.不会一片红的


风移影动 于 2017-12-18 17:36:51 发表了:

本帖最后由 风移影动 于 2017-12-18 17:38 编辑

楼主辛苦了。

几个人的小意见。一是像“shanghai”表示“拐骗”这种大概算外国对中国的 stereotypes?避免使用比较好,而且在这里意思也不太对。二是像“Thank god”这种有基督教文化背景的表达放在中国的小说里也比较奇怪。三是像“thus”和“via”这种词感觉比较书面,用在口语里不太合适。